I love how one small reaction will cause a chain overreaction and in turn burn me.  Oh well

such is my fate

I wish you the best, as I know you are deserving of oh so much more than what you have right now

Currently Listening Better Than Knowing Where You Are By Spitalfield Secrets in Mirrors see related

This working out and getting back into shape just might kill me

lol

Currently Listening The City Sleeps in Flames By Scary Kids Scaring Kids see related

The smoke still hasn't cleared, but I did well on that stupid speech.  I gotta say, as I write this I make one hell of a good screwdriver. Good Vodka helps. But yea, I want to pursue, just undecided, guess there isint any harm in trying and I don't want to not take a risk and live with regret. I'm tired of doing that.  Otherwise, i'm realatively content with my life, spring training starts soon so i'm incredibly excited about that.  The Braves are gonna get it done this year, go ahead and write that down.

one day at a time..............

Currently Listening Discovering the Waterfront By Silverstein see related

hmm, nothing much new going on here really.  I hate school.  I need the grade to graduate but in all my classes I look at and realize ive gotten the class already done at work.  Like leadership....in the class im learning all about these theories and such, but ive been in a position of power at my job for over two years, and in those two years ive taken that team from a perenneal cellar dweller to one of the top performing computer departments in 5 states. So I know I can lead people.  Advanced public speaking?  ive given lectures at work in front of 100+ employees, tell me why i need to talk in front of a group of 15 total strangers......Ah well

So I met this girl in one of the shops i frequent and spend way too much money in. I cant tell if i should pursue it or not because I cannot honestly tell if shes nice to me because im in there so much as a customer.  But the times i've gotten to talk with her, im inexpicably amazed by her

who knows where we will be when the smoke clears?

So i havent written in this in oh, six months or so, sue me.  I've got something to say and since nobody actually reads this site anymore, its my new little safe haven. 

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It's absolutely amazing to me how people act.  I'm getting to see and feel firsthand what its like to have people that you let in to your little circle, those close to your heart, burn you. It sucks, I tell you what.  Why is it those same people that shoot their mouth off about living by honor and a certain moral "code" are the first ones to break it when there is opportunity?  You can use any cliche you choose......"practice what you preach" "live and die by the code" whatever.  I'm honestly tired of letting people in only to get used.  I'm tired of letting my walls down only to feel this sting once more.  What is it about me that just screams "get close to me then stab at my back or heart, you choose, its all the same to me!" Call it emo, call it whatever the fuck you want, I've walked through three of the toughest months i've ever been through and i'm tired of feeling this miserable.  I hide it well, but I will admit it, i'm finally broken.  I cannot continue this facade anymore, but to those that have comitted ill, i wish you no harm.  It's your decisions you have to live with not mine

I thought I found someone

I thought i had something i could trust

i still cant believe what happened

It's not just the fact you lied to me

But that your friendship was a front, now I can see the real you

and i'm afraid that you've become everything that you claimed to hate